Parental Pressures

This topic was in my head for long. 3-Idiots, interactions with my students, sudden surge in student suicides and the forthcoming board exams have acted as an opportune occasion to relieve my ideas.

Students across the world face peer pressure in whatever they do. Most cruise away but a few fail to do so and succumb to it. Every parent wants his ward to be the most successful in this universe whether the junior likes it or not!

Most parents start forcing their children to excel (beyond their limits) during class X boards, some little earlier and a few from day one. Everyone wants his child to be the Numero Uno. They want them to be a Sachin, a Lata, a Bhimsen Joshi, an Einstein, a Kalam or aka some other great. And if the kid fails to do it, pressure starts mounting on him. But if we look into the lives of these greats, parental pressures & interference were at a minimal. This only allowed them to succeed. {Remember 3-Idiots!}

When the kid fails to live upto their expectations (which can even surpass the height of Mt. Everest!), guardians start chiding, arguing with them. Some even resort to emotional blackmailing, bribing, abusing and even merciless beating. They think that their excessive strictness will bring their kids back to the correct path. But more than often this has a negative effect on the kid. Not allowing kids to watch TV, curbing their playing time, not allowing to mix with other kids, stopping their favourite pastimes, saying no to every demand (sometimes even before listening fully) may seem as strict disciplinary measures to the seniors but for a junior it may act as the first seed of rebellion. They become discouraged, unhappy and eventually rebellious. They lie freely and don’t give a damn to what their parents say. Mostly this goes in their head:

साला जो करो उसी में इनको परेशानी रहती है ,
करो तो डांट नहीं करो तो डांट,
अब कुछ करूँगा ही नहीं,
देखें क्या होता है !

Discipline and strictness are good but too much of anything is bad for everyone’s health. {Watch Bomarillu & Taare Zamin Par for a more thorough audio-visual outlook.}

Another trouble is the comparisons faced. Parents compare them with their more successful siblings, friends or relatives. Even teachers resort to this kind of comparisons as well. This leads to an inferiority complex among such kids and they feel discriminated and alienated. This may lead to decline in his performance in all walks of life and even can result in a suicide.

{A classic example of contrasting yet successful siblings is that of R K Narayan & R K Laxman. While Narayan is a celebrated English novelist, Laxman passed XIIth barely. But the great cartoonist was not discouraged and he made a niche out for himself. His ‘Silent Man’ speaks more than volumes of books!}

In the mad race of ‘Who’s Better’, parents involve their kids as well. They want their wards to excel for the enhancement of their respect in the society. Slowly and steadily we join the bandwagon and become horses running for their pride. Soon we acquire the contagious disease of ‘Who’s Great’ and may well pass onto the next generation as well. {It’s same as: “We rag because our seniors did so to us!}

Let’s change the world now. Let’s not repeat what our guardians did to us. Let’s put an end to this nonsense and allow our next generation to live freely and not entail them to the same miseries as we went through.

Also the kids who suffer should understand that the existing ‘Who’s Great’ disease cannot be cured fully. So, they should do a small compromise. They should study enough to get a respectable 60-70. Believe me it won’t be difficult if you encourage yourself to think it as the gate-pass to your free life. The parents should also accept this fact their ward is not the genius they wanted. But that doesn’t mean he is a no-brainer either. He may be excellent in some other field which you would have chosen to overlook. Cultivate his potentials and he will reap in a successful and a happy life. Isn’t it what all parents want !!!!!!

So, it’s an earnest request to all seniors that please be on your children’s side when he needs but don’t forcefully guide him to tread the path that you have chosen for him!

P.S:

Suicidal tendencies: Of late many kids are killing themselves, unable to handle pressure. My request to them is that life is precious and can’t be lost for some minor failures. You are not asshole losers to die like this. Life doesn’t end here. Picture तो अभी बाकी है मेरे दोस्त !

To my friends: All of us will become parents in the next 10 years or so. Promise yourself not to repeat what happened to you!