What's In A Name? It's All In The Surname!

"What's in a name? That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet."

This immortal statement was written by Shakespeare in Romeo and Juliet and thence has been an outright hit all through. From time to time, it has been quoted in various contexts all across the world in a variety of occasions. I’ve also taken the utmost liberty in using the same for this piece.

In the play, Juliet Capulet said this when she wanted to emphasize that she loved Romeo the person and not Romeo Montague the name. Even though Montague was a rich and influential family, she didn’t bother about them. She was just happy to be in love with Romeo, the person, and would have loved him even if he was from any other class or section of the society.

But how wrong she was! The society doesn’t adhere to the rules laid down by the free-spirits. It does believe in the institution of surnames (family name and title are the other synonyms). You can be anything but your surname will decide the consequences of your actions. You can be a dark haired, fair skinned, nicely built handsome man. But your surname will divulge your secret and you will be categorized as a Mexican or an Italian or a Pathan. And the categorization will not stop here. Next stop will be your religion, your faith, your community, your caste, your creed and what else! People will decipher your secrets faster than Sherlock Holmes. He at least observed some traits to make his deduction. They will do it with just the surname! (I myself am not different. I also deduce the same way!)

 I remember a debate in my college where a girl said that until the day she filled her class Xth exam form, she was unaware of the surnames and hence was oblivious to the caste and religion of most of her classmates. She knew them by their names only. But that her world changed. Now she knew who was a Hindu and who was a Muslim, who was a SC and who was an OBC. And all the prejudices that are associated with each and every caste, creed and religion come forthright face to face. The individual recedes into the background and he is judged by the action of the fellow brethren from his community (कौम), caste (जात) or religion (धर्म). It has happened so many times with us when we have labeled a Muslim to be a terrorist, a Marwari to be a miser and a Tamil to be Self-Centered. Just because of a few of them, the whole clan is abused.

And this is just not the story of me, my parents, my relatives and my friends. It is the story of all the organisms on this planet who consider them to be humans and hence superior to everyone around them. It is so ingrained into our system that we cannot free ourselves from this mindset at all. In our country everything from winning an election to getting a BPL card has come down to the surnames. Our politics has descended to caste vote bank politics instead of the idealistic pro-governance and pro-people or even the more practiced populist party level politics. People will ask your surnames first and depending on the likeability of your surname they will proceed to your name. But your acceptability will solely depend on your prestigious surname. It will only decide the further course of actions.

But think of a world without surnames! (No. I’m not asking to leave them. Just don’t bias others and centre yourself on them.) Sahir Ludhianvi wrote:

अच्छा  है अभी तक तेरा कुछ नाम नहीं है |

तुझको  किसी  मज़हब से कोई काम नहीं है |

People will love and hate (I believe hate has to be a part of life) each other on their virtues and vices and not on the basis of their respective communion. There would be more person to person interaction instead of the now practiced group to group interaction. At least one dose would be given to the bias ridden sick society of ours. I don’t believe we will be able to include our elders in this but at least the youth can participate and give a fair society to the next generation. Even if you can’t practice at least please think over it!

Is the Boss always Rightt?

“The Boss is right”! This statement is neither a tautology nor a fallacy.

Neither mathematical probability nor human psychology proves that a human being, how intelligent and logical he/she may be, can be correct and just in his actions always. It’s just not possible. But more than half the world believes in this philosophy of the boss being always right and hence by majority verdict even if it does not become a rule or a law, it asks for a look in.

Looking into it, though inexperienced but a keen observant, I think the innate human fear of losing security is what has prompted people to coin this phrase. Every average human being is hungry for love, money, food, peace and security. And the need to security increases with ripening of their age. Many put it to be “Knowledge + Experience = Wisdom”. But I, still young, find it otherwise and will stick to much-felt Fear rather than ill-gained Wisdom as the source. An average human is happy if his/her bread is secure with his dear life. And if somebody is in a position to be the one who decides on your bread, you are bound to oblige that fellow. He is no short of a messiah for you. So, what if he/she wants some actions to be done which doesn’t go well with your conscience. He is the boss who has a concise mind having clear thought processes and judging his actions is not any of your business. In some other cases you may have a far more clear thought than what your boss has but decide to overlook your own potential and toe the line in fear of losing your precious rapport, being the Yes-Man always, and the year-end increment which will be a gift. You also fear of being transferred to some inconsequential corner in the labyrinth of your organization or may even be terminated. God has been gracious to give us a brain which works i.e. it can think beyond material pleasures which every other organism can feel and understand in spite of their simple neural networks. But most of us just decide to overlook it. Last January, I had gone to see a programme of Bengali superstar Soumitra Chatterjee in Nagpur. He in an interview said the following two lines:

“Art begins where imitation ends” and

“Genius is the capacity of taking infinite pains”.

And add to it one of the famous sayings of all times:

“Leaders always think differently”.

By imitating, we are doing nothing productive. And, add to that, we are abusing our education, morals and intelligence. It is always wise to think rationally before commencing an action. We always think a thousand times before buying a watch, a bike, a house. We think so much when it concerns our near and dear ones. But why do we fail to think when we are at work. Is it because our actions won’t affect us but some third person? A person who in general doesn’t even know about your actions. Many have given me a, so called, solid argument that since the boss will get the credit if successful and the boot if it fails. Hence, why to bother about our contribution? We are here to do our job and we have done that with expertise, on someone’s orders, and are getting paid for it. But what about the morals and the ever pinching conscience. Are we a bunch of lambs that just follow their leader in a single line?

Kabir City: An Alternative To Ayodhya

30th September, 2010 was a day worth tons of Gold. It’s not because Ramlalla got his abode back. It’s also not because High Court gave a 3-point decision in which no one emerged as winner. But because of the restrain and composure shown by the Indian common man. It’s a known fact that “Crowd has only heads and no brains”. So, it was a welcome change on the part of the “brains” who didn’t turn the “heads” into a violent “crowd”. Fearing the backlash whole India stood still and took precautions not to venture during or after the verdict. It was one day in the last few weeks when CWG bashing took a backseat. The so called guardians of the society have only one motto:

हम हमारी रोटी सेंकते हैं।

देश और दुनिया गई चुल्हे मे!

So, why not prove them wrong like this always and show that we are one strong unit and don’t need their provocations.

So far so good. But the 3-pronged verdict is not a verdict. It’s a compromise in disguise. It has been done to make everyone happy and to stop violence. I haven’t liked it since the first day as this verdict is bound to be challenged. It has only delayed the process by another 25 years which our Judiciary is bound to take. I thought about writing that day itself but I was among the doubting Thomases who thought the calmness to be the lull before the storm. Seven days hence, I can safely say that there is going to be no storm or as Pritish Nandi has said that India has learnt the art of forgiving.

The verdict will surely be challenged in the Supreme Court because the concerning parties are not happy. And I believe they should do so. But the questions that the verdict has cropped up in my mind are:

• i)        How can the Judges or Team Saffron be sure that Ramlalla was born at the exact place where the idols have been placed? People may think me as an antagonist but I still don’t believe in the veracity of existence of Lord Ram. And even if he existed, to correctly point out the co-ordinates of his birth place thousands of years later is not possible. Even the ASI has found out a temple dating back to 10^th Century only. I would rather go with Justice Khan’s statement that this place is part of the larger area (or rather I would add the whole city) which is believed to be the birth place of Lord Ram.

• ii)      If the judges have decided that the land belongs to Ramlalla, what’s the point in giving 1/3^rd of the land to the Muslims? It’s better to give the whole land to Ramlalla. Nirmohi Akhara shouldn’t also get anything.  Everything should go to the custodians of Ramlalla. And it should be their prerogative what they do with the land.

• iii)    Why didn’t the Court clearly mark out the boundaries of the three parts? If we look at the map, it would be difficult for all three parties to utilize their respective areas without adjustments. And these people who have been at loggerheads for decades are supposed to find an amicable solution to distribute the land. Is this a joke or something?

• iv)    If the disputed structure, which passed on as a Mosque for so many years and now suddenly is against the tenets of Islam, was built on the ruins of a temple there shouldn’t be any problem. Land utilization cannot be termed a crime. But if indeed a temple was broken down, that’s a felony. There is no doubt in that. But in this case the felony was done by the Badshah of India in 15^th century. And I don’t think he or his amirs could be brought to case. Because if that be so, we have to do away with so many essential structures which came during the reigns of the Mughals and the British. And not all are fair and clean!

v)      All said and done. It’s high time that the perpetrators who brought the mosque down should be punished. Even if the mosque was an encroachment, it’s not the duty of Team Saffron to bring it down. That’s a punishable offence and the punishments should be done. But the million dollar question is when will it happen and if that happens will the peacemakers of now will remain the same?

Because of my views, I’ve always been termed an Anti-Hindu. I would like to clarify that I’m neither an Anti-Hindu nor a Pro-Islamist. I’m just a common man who loves to be human. Many have asked why I only ask for justice to Muslims and not to Hindus. I ask for both. I want Afzal Guru and Azmal Kasab to be hanged. I want Laden and Dawood to be killed. I want the perpetrators of various attacks on temples and trains to be booked and given the severest sentence. Along with this I want those people to be punished as well who want to create factions in the society on the name of region, religion, caste and whatever they like.

No religion, no community preaches animosity or hatred. All are based on love and compassion. Mohammad Iqbal has rightly said:

मज़हब नहीं सिखाता, आपस मे बैर रखना।

हिंदी है हम वतन है, हिंदोस्ताँ हमारा।

This idea of Kabir City has been in my mind for long. Instead of creating a grand temple or a mosque why not utilize the vast land for the benefit of the society. Let’s make an educational institution, a multi-specialty hospital, a high-utility market, a children’s park and few other utilitarian structures on the land. The entry to the place should be unrestricted and devoid of any religious overtures. And such a place can have only one name, “KABIR CITY” because Kabir was above all religions and was loved by all. He preached what we still fail to emulate in our lives. This might be a fitting tribute to him.

I know my thoughts are hypothetical and utopian but maybe they will end this “Mandir-Masjid” problem and start a new era of brotherhood and integration.

To end, I will quote a line from Gandhiji:

“There is Ram in RAMzan and Ali in DiwALI”.

Let our life be like that only.

A Rookie's Journey Through Food

My brother plans to go on a road trip across Bengal. You may ask what’s so novel in this idea! The novelty is that he will only visit those places which are known for their famous sweets. So, he might have to start at Baghbazaar’s Rosogolla, make his way to Joynagar’s Moa and then Shrirampur’s Langcha. Move northward to Kandi’s Monohara, look for sweets in North Bengal (I’ve very less knowledge about them), come back to Kirnahar for its variety of cheap but delicious sweets. He may also cross the border for Deoghar’s Peda and then cross back and end with Barddhaman’s Sitabhog. There may be other stops and this trip may consume a lot of money and almost a month’s time.

I don’t see the prospect of such a trip in near future as he is really busy in Nagpur. So, he will have to be content with Santra Barfi and Sohan Papdis for the time being. Last academic year was a year when I travelled across most of the region south of the Vindhyas because of my PhD entrances. It’s another matter that even after travelling so much, I failed to crack a single interview. Dipankar Sir, my MSc project guide, once said that travelling helps. And I experienced it myself. Every month I would travel to a new destination. I generally stayed with my friends but ate outside, met such different human beings and got to see all kinds of places, modern and ancient. And these happened not only in the places I visited but all along the journey, in trains, in buses, in autos, in boats and even in the short airplane ride I undertook. These journeys taught me a lot. A lot which even books failed to teach me.

Before undertaking a journey I generally eat up the whole Wikipedia and Wikitravel page of the city I’ll be visiting. And as I told earlier, my hosts will show the rest of the things which wiki overlooked. Thanks to my studying at so many places, I’ve friends across the country (now across the globe). And I never discussed only physics with them. I intricately tried to learn the culture and food habits from them. I’m not a great cook and my taste buds have been spoilt by 10 years of hostel food. But, I still can distinguish good food. So, enough of patronizing myself! Let’s embark on the journey with this rookie.

In Nagpur, I seldom eat at restaurants. The best places are the unhygienic dhabas, chat and tapri wallahs . In dhabas our favourite is PBM (Paneer Butter Masala). I’ve found this dish to be a delicacy only in the dhabas. I’ve no idea why this happens but it’s true. Santra Barfi @ Dharampeth, Milk Cake and Sohan Papdis from Heera Sweets are the only sweets which I find good. Even though you will find so many chat wallahs at Yeshwant Stadium, my favourite place to eat Panipuri, Bhel, Ragda Patish and others will always be Bajaj Nagar. I may seem audacious but the taste is here even better than Juhu Chowpatti (I’ve eaten there). For dabheli you need to go to the guy who has his stall near the Agrasen hostel at Ravi Nagar. Another delicacy of Nagpur is ‘Shikanji’ and you find it best at Yeshwant Stadium. For ice-creams, I used to go to Haldiram’s. But of late the nicest place I know is Frozen Delights (A Dinshaw parlour) near the traffic park. Samosa is a popular eatable here and I just love it. There are so many places where I’ve eaten it but the best would be the tapri @ Shankar Nagar bus-stand. For poha, U need to go to Keshav in Deonagar or at Kasturchand park but our favourite is one on the Pratap nagar ring road. For non-veg, Babbu’s at VCA, Sadar has no parallels. Not even the Babbus at Dharampeth and Sitabuldi. Other seasonal favourites are Sugarcane juice and Lemon-soda in summer, Roasted Bhutta @ VNIT in rains and flavoured paans from Dhantoli. One more popular type of cooking in Nagpur is Saoji but I’ve never tasted it because of its high chilly content.

For MSc, I went to Pune. The mess food was utterly bakwas. Even the food at IUCAA which was a lot better got boring due to its periodicity. So, every Sunday we had to venture out for food. In Pune, I ate less at tapris and more at restaurants. Dragon @ Khadki was a place to eat cheap and tasty Chinese. Deep was for eating Bengali. Mostly the costly but good enough sweets and Alu-Posto. Art-Beat was our retreat when we used to get bored from other places and our pockets used to falter. The ice-cream parlour near it was our favourite when we needed thick-shakes. Just outside our university was Barrel’s favourite Patiswala. I got addicted to him because of Barrel. But my favourite was upma. Just along the road to Chaturshringi was the dabheliwala whom you can say to be the fellow who made me fall with this dish. But the one near Hongkong lane at Deccan is the best I’ve ever eaten. Then there is the momos and sweetcorn at Goodluck square on FC road. The fruit-dish along with a 5-rupee fruit juice glass at Deep Bungalow chowk was a respite in summers. Cold Coffee was another of my favourite all through the year. The one stall at Shivajinagar was nearer and good but my favourite will always be Durga at Paud Road, Kothrud. I don’t remember to stop at one glass ever. Another joint just near it offered another drink called Cadby. Pure Chocolate! Aniket and I used to go out for dinner almost every alternate Sunday. How much we tried to get into a different restaurant on JM road, we generally ended at Maharashtrian and ate our favourite Bajri bhakris, bharit and sev-bhaaji. We still haven’t been able to eat more than 2 and half bhakris! And when our pockets started crying, we used to go to Badshahi or Satwik on Tilak Road for a cheap unlimited meal for just 50 bucks. Pune has also got me addicted to another delicacy called as Bhakarwaadi. I’ve till now eaten kilos of Bhakarwaadi. Another favourite from Chitale is Amrakhand. For gujarati food, one must go to Sukanta near the Z-bridge. For Parathas, it has to be Chaitanya on FC road and for maharashtrian, it will be Durvankur on Tilak road.

These were the two cities which I stayed for a longer duration of time. But there are others where I just visited and happened to eat a variety of dishes. Some were really tasty and there were others which were just the need of the hour. I’ll try to chronicle as many as I can remember.

During the trip to Mahabaleshwar, we had drunk Strawberry shake with an entire strawberry floating in between the glass. On Sinhagarh, the bhakri with korda (jhunka) and curd was really awesome. On Duke’s nose, I ate so many things with so many others. I remember eating bread with idli’s chutney and baked potatoes with jam! Then there was the Masala Uttapam at Aurangabad and I remember Barrel and me gorging to at least 13-15 rotis per person at a Jalgaon eatery. The food was abysmal but we were so hungry that it skipped our attention that time. I’ve also enjoyed food at Daund, Durg & Bilaspur station just because of the hunger quotient.

Speaking of stations, I’ve been fortunate enough to travel in most of South India’s trunk routes along with my most frequented Tumsar-Howrah-Katwa route. All throughout South India, I’ve survived on Idlis, Vadas and Dosas. One peculiar thing about them is that they always sell 2 Idlis and 2 Vadas together for 20 rupees. The taste is obviously better than Nagpur but it’s sourer at Nellore, Tirupati, Jolarpettai, Coimbatore and Ernakulam. In Trivandrum, I ate mostly non-veg in the Thampanoor area. The one food that I liked was Kappa (tapioca) biryani. Chicken dishes had more chicken than anywhere but fish dishes were real cheating. The curry used to be spicy but there would be only 2-3 pieces of fish. In Kanyakumari, food is real cheap at least to a fellow like me from Maharashtra (costliest state). We gorged on Idlis, Dosas and Vadas with Filter coffee and later washed our throat with Coconut water. In Chennai, I missed eating Chettinad at Triplicane but ate good Tamil-veg at Saravana Bhavan in Mylapore. This was the first time anywhere in India that I was not given a spoon to eat. Everyone around was eating with their hands. I liked the ambience of the atmosphere there. But when I asked the waiter for a spoon for my sweet dish, he looked as if I’d asked for a moon rock!

In the messes that I’ve eaten, I’ve come across novel dishes. Shahi Tukda (Bread dipped in cream) at TIFR and IUCAA, Bhaturas of IUCAA which need ultimate human efforts to tear, Russian Salad (Cabbage cut into fine pieces topped with some red liquid), patodis at Suruchi, Nagpur, tasteless fish curry with fish bones at Holy Home, Serampore, Aloo-less Aloo ka paratha at IIT Bombay are some of the food items I remember. I also remember the Hot Rosagolla’s syrup, Chilli Chicken of Holy Home, Mexican & sweet dishes of IUCAA, Hongroises, prawns & different dishes of Chicken of TIFR as they were really tasty.

In Bangalore, I found more bakeries than any other sweet mart and in three days I gorged on a lot of bakery products. But my favourite will be the filter coffee at the shop at Amrutahalli where I used to go for my morning paper. In Bombay, we generally ate at Food-Inn in Colaba. But Suraj & I have tasted some kebabs and other items on different restaurants on the Colaba Causeway. But ice-creams at Naturals, Colaba are one thing which we got addicted to. We used to walk every Wednesday to Gateway and on the way back we used to try different flavours. Sunday, we had to go to Colaba for food and again the same routine. I got such addicted that on returning to Pune, I stopped having ice-creams anywhere but only at Naturals, Bal Gandharv Chowk!

I’m also fortunate to be friends with Kingshuk. He showed me Bangladesh (only the coastline), I travelled the cheapest (boats at 50p), ate fresh and cheap fruits. But what will always appeal to my taste buds will be the different fishes including lobsters fresh from the rivers of Sunderbans. And add to it that his mother is a fantastic cook.

Last but not the least is આપ્રો ગુજરાત (our Gujarat). I’ve visited only two cities Ahmedabad and Baroda but I relish Gujarati food. Fafda, khakra, thepla, dhokla are fantastic delicacies. I missed eating non-veg at Kalupur, Ahmedabad but gorged on veg food like anything. What helped me was Kiran jijaji (my friend Sudhanva’s jijaji) is a foodie. He loves eating and because of him I got to eat at good places in Ahmedabad. Golas at 1130 in the night was really awesome. This year I went with him for dinner party and the food was sumptuous and delicious. Ahmedabad is a dry city but the fruit drinks are labelled Whisky & fruit beer. I don’t know the real tastes but these fakes were superb. Himadri showed me the city of Baroda. This is a foodie’s heaven. Pyarelal ki Kachori, kathiawadi khadki, પેન્ડે (pedhe), ફરસાણ (farsan), Dabhoi’s bhajiye, aamras, cold drink (milk shake laced with ice-cream) and even ઉપવાસની લસ્સી (Lassi for fasts) were all there. I was unfortunate that I went on a summer afternoon. On any other cool day, it would have been a treat.

There’s so much to eat more. I’ve missed પાપડી નો લોટ (papdi no lot) in Gujarat, dosas at malleshwaram, মনোহারা (manohara) at kandi and many more. Will venture out again to satisfy my taste buds.

I take the liberty in posting this food map that I received in my mailbox.

Hope you enjoy.

Common Worst Games

In another 10 days, Common Worst Games or Common Wealth Games as they are known to all of us will start in दिलवालों की दिल्ली. But a million dollar question every sport lover is anxious to know is that will this game ever happen! The visiting delegates from other countries have already cited innumerable problems in association with the games.

India is not known to be a very clean country. Citing stray dogs, shit and urine on all places imaginable, paan stains on the walls etc. etc. is not a new matter for most of us. But seeing all this in the quarters that you are supposed to occupy as a guest is unacceptable. And that is what the team from Scotland found in their living quarters. The cleanliness freaks (अब क्या बोलें। हिँदूस्तान में सफाई। Unthinkable!) cleaned it themselves. One official (Lalit Bhanot) went on record to say, “It is not such a big issue which we should be ashamed of.. Westerners have different standards (of hygiene), we have different standards. Well Mr. Bhanot do you sleep with dogs shitting all around your place? I don’t and the rest of India doesn’t either!

Another problem is of traffic congestion. Well this cannot be removed. The last time Delhi organized Asian Games in 1982, they got a lot of flyovers. This time they are getting good roads. Yes, if you go there, you will find only potholes but think about the great future that lies ahead. So, keeping vision 2020 or say 2220 in mind, the roads have been dug. Sooner or later they will be filled. I am sure the organizing committee will take ample care of the tract of road, they have reserved for CWG vehicles. I can assure the honourable guests that they won’t face any hassle or bumps on their way to the stadiums. Yeah, the common public will be stranded and made to travel on longer and circuitous routes. But मेज़बान can do that much for his मेहमान! What say?

Another worry is the under preparedness of the various stadiums and the recurring mishaps on those which seem to inch completion. We Indians love opulence and grandiose in whatever we do. This mentality came with the people who are directly connected with the organizing committee. So, we started making grander and grander stadiums without even thinking who was going to shoulder the excess burden or what was going to happen to these grand venues after the games finishes. It’s going to be चार दिन की चाँदनी, फिर अंधेरी रात. But a country which is accustomed to do an opulent marriage without thinking about the consequences on its pockets didn’t care. This resulted in structures which were ill timed and mostly hastened to finish. This led to construction of collapsible bridge resulting in the injury of 17 people. Already leaks, drainage problems, turf problems and many other problems have occurred. I hope if the games start by some means, the roofs of all the stadiums stays intact for the whole period of the games. Touchwood!

Next trouble is Corruption, Red-tapes and the Dance of Bureaucracy. India is a country run by babus and peons. It was highly unsurprising when CWG was not spared from it either. These people have the habit of delaying things. They just don’t believe in completing projects in time. Forget about completing in advance. The files will go in a merry-go-round and rotate as much as it can. And when it completely loses its merriness, it will be executed. By then the rates would have risen astronomically and babus would with a last ditch effort encash the situation in the favour of their hidden deep pockets. They also win enough accolades for setting the ball rolling. By any chance, if the event becomes successful they would get an award or else a transfer to a sick department to make it sicker. It’s not that only these administrators are tainted. Lalit Modi and Jagmohan Dalmiya have been in news for all the wrong ways of making money. I’m not supporting their wrong-doings but at least the game of cricket is still alive and kicking like never before. All thanks to these two gentlemen. But our babus are hell bent to kill all other sports that have mistakenly being placed in their hands. Voila!

Last but not the least come the organizers i.e. Shri. Suresh Kalmadi, Shri. M. S. Gill, Smt. Sheila Dixit, Shri. Lalit Bhanot and a few others. These people are no doubt one of the best in the administrative business. They come with credentials which are astounding and incredible. But the way they have handled or rather mishandled the whole games is a pity. Not only they have failed but also misguided the taxpayer. They have completely duped us. No RTI will be able to clear the doubts that are going through our minds. I would request them to render a public apology for the mess they have created. Anyways these people are habituated to give unrelated idiotic statements on anything from Ayodhya to Godhra to Poverty to Unemployment to Power crisis to Rotting of food grains. But ये सब हमारे घर की बातें थी। अब सारी दुनिया हम पे किचड़ उछाल रही है| This was neither expected nor acceptable because of these overqualified personnel. Now they have to do बंगाल का काला जादू to get the games started. I hope whenever we dare to do such a gala event next time, we chose a team which is sports minded and not politics minded. Looking Forward!

During the CWG-Youth games in Pune 2 years ago Jigar stole everyone’s heart due to its simplicity. Hope Shera does the same even after his opulence has gone for a toss. Amen!

P.S. : Why can’t India get a young Sports minister. The last ministers have all been old or not related with sports. Sorry Sunil Dutt ji but sports were not your forte. Uma Bharti was another mismatch. But the incumbent is totally unsuccessful. He gives statements on matters which are unrelated to him. His statements are always awkwardly foolish and he is habituated to disrespect people. Gopichand and Sushil Kumar’s Coach being among the few at the receiving end. So, please get a young guy who has at least played Gilli-Danda!

First Salaried Lecture

1030 hrs, 31st August, 2010. This date and time will remain etched in my memory for the next few decades which I’ve on this earth. This is the time when I took my first salaried lecture. It’s not that I’ve not lectured before but never ever I had an audience of 40 odd students who were there just to listen me. And another aspect of this lecture is that it will be paid for by the college.

I had never thought that I would be teaching in a college let alone an engineering college. But there I was at the appointed hour all tied up in a new shirt and a pair of new shoes just for the occasion. It would be untrue if I say that I was not nervous. I was to the very core of my bones. And when the bus started delaying, my nervousness was shooting through the roof. I had kept rehearsing what will be my opening lines even in my dream. I had planned to rehearse once again before entering the class but the delay was making me uncomfortable. So, I rehearsed the whole thing in the bus itself (Of course in my mind. Otherwise, people would have thought me crazy)! At last I reached just 5 minutes before the scheduled time. Phew! Not a wise start to the very first day!

I had thought to start with Semiconductors as I was comfortable with it and had actually prepared well in advance. But a meeting with a senior faculty on Monday changed it all. He advised me to start with Electron Ballistics as it was more concise and clearly understandable. I luckily followed his advice and starting preparing for the lecture. I had just prepared two pages when my brother came with the internet dongle. I got engrossed in Facebook and forgot to prepare further. So, with that preparation, I went for the lecture.

I had planned to get acquainted with the students first and ease the nervousness on both sides. After asking their names, I couldn’t even remember a single name and I realized that this method won’t work. Instead I should straightway start my syllabus and in due course of time get acquainted with them. They are anyways stuck with me for the next whole session! So, I started with electron. But I found out that the students were much hesitant in coming forward with the answers. This is a problem with most students. Even if they know the answer, they wouldn’t reply in fear of what would the teacher say and mostly what would the other students think in case of a wrong answer. I remember my Astro classes when Dipankar Sir would not budge forward until he got the answer out of our throats. I tried that but to no avail. So, I started dropping hints about the answers. When they reached the answer, they realized that they knew that all through. I believe this habit has to be inculcated now. And that brought a smile everyone’s face i.e. including me. When Dipankar Sir used to give us that smile, I thought it used to be a sign of frustrated relief. But today I realized, it was a sign of satisfaction.

I was so engrossed in teaching that I actually overshot the allowed time of 45 minutes. It was not until the next lecturer came, I had no idea! But even when I was leaving, I wanted to teach more. The students I guess were relieved. Next lecture was 45 minutes later. The hara-kiri in my mind had subsided. I was assured that I was not at the wrong place. I can be a good lecturer. So, in the next lecture, I was more composed and confident. This lecture also ended with the dissatisfaction of not being able to teach more.

After lunch I had a practical class. But as was decided earlier, practicals were not to start until next week. So, I started chatting with the students. First I started with semiconductors but dropped the topic after half an hour. We chatted for another hour or so before we ran out of conversations. It would have been a crime to continue torturing them on their very first day and hence a holiday was declared. Thus, I ended the first day of my teaching.

I have to thank all my teachers right from School to PG, whose ways I was trying to emulate. I must also thank my tuition students Aniket, Akshita, Rushabh and not to forget Nauty. Without them it would have been difficult to understand the mentality of the students. I must also thank my friends whom I’ve pakaoed during my college days while explaining before the examinations. At last I must thank MIET for giving this rookie a chance to deliver his wares.

Hoping for a successful session of teaching.

Amen!!!

Underpaid नेतालोग

Last week was quite eventful. Shashi-Sunanda (the just friends) married, Pakistan accepted Indian aid u(s)nder pressure, Sehwag hit a six that blew credibility and honesty of the whole Sri Lankan team, and etcetera etcetera. But the news which remained on the chartbusters was our own नेतालोग asking for a 500% pay hike!
In the last month and a half I have seen what factor salary plays in one’s life. So, I can completely understand the agony of the नेतालोग. They were truly underpaid by a huge margin. Even now they are short by a good 20001 rupees. It is really humiliating for the neta to get less than the babu. And that also by such a huge margin. Anyways they always get the credit for all good that happens through their overestimated underperforming ministries. If something (always) wrong happens, that is the fault of the common man, rotten system, opposition and the eternal and most loveable foreign hand. Even these excuses seldom give him the reprieve. He is the one who receives the brickbats and now even the shoes! (Garlands have become costly and people prefer to get rid of their old footwear in an effective way!) So, I believe it’s his eternal right to receive a higher pay than the babu who always stays away from the limelight. आखिर उनकी भी कोई इज़्जत है !
This is not the only reason why the pay should be hiked. The entourage that always surrounds a neta has to be fed and cared. It’s a simple everyday observation that the more delicious and aromatic the eatable is, the more flies it attracts. Similarly an MP is bound to have a lot many co-workers (चमचे). Now with the escalating costs every day, it is hard to feed these people. Government has dealt this issue nicely by using scientifically approved cost cutting techniques (decrease the number of employees) but then our dear 545 + 250 MPs are the best and different from the rest. So, common man’s techniques are undesirable in these circumstances!
People are raising a huge furore over the issue of their free travel facilities. But they must understand that the नेतालोग have to fly business class and travel AC-1st class for three obvious reasons. First, they are not cattle class. Second, their time is precious and shady deals needs to be done in confinement. Lastly, they have promised to return after 5 years. So, if they show their faces earlier than that, there would be questionnaire waiting for them from every passenger (read Voters) they meet. Moreover, if we start charging them, they have to do few more acts of social work (corruption) to cover their expenses. So, for the better good of the society it’s a welcome decision.
Also, the burden of the social work that they have taken really hurt their shoulders. In the service of the society, they waste themselves without caring for their health. They become overweight, develop ailment in every possible body part and become insomniac. So, a contingency fund has to be build up for them so that they can continue to serve the country till their very last.
Another trouble which has prompted our dear नेतालोग to ask for the pay hike is the unavailability of funds through the havala route. These mediawallahs are always against them. Whenever the नेतालोग try to do a ‘havala’, these mediawallahs do a ‘tehelka’. The IT-department is also not behind. The innocent नेतालोग are not even allowed to take gifts (बेचारी mayawati) and donations. They are charged the dreaded income-tax for the money they receive, which actually is the immense love shown by the common man. So, this time they decided to earn some tax-free money through legal means. So, why oppose!
Also, this has also shown the world the fast decision making capacity of our parliamentary system. Otherwise every bill goes through the देखते है, सोचते है, करेँगे, जल्दी क्या है phase. This also showed the harmony and unity among our नेतालोग. In case of any other bill, it’s so difficult to bring them together but this bill is a real winner. I hope the bill will be passed in one sitting. (Well done Laluji. It would have been difficult without you.)
पैसा ऐसा चीज़, ख़ुदा से उनीस बीस !
Jokes apart, the mockery that these people have done of our democracy is worth a concern. Let’s not forget this when we meet them again for the 2014 general elections.
Jai Hind!!!

One Month In Office

(सोचा था की जब पहली salary मिलेगी तब यह article लिखेंगे लेकिन अब सोचते हैं की फिर कब लिखेंगे! Because salary तो भविष्य के गर्भ में चली गयी है, पता नहीं कब आएगी!)

11th of August, I finished one month at my job. I’ve mentioned earlier that my last trial at a job lasted just 2 days so this is indeed a remarkable feat (Given the fact that I’m not particularly very satisfied with the job that I have now)!
As I’ve written before that now I’m a lecturer (Assistant Professor in college rolls) at MIET, Shahapur, Bhandara and will be teaching(?) Physics to students of First year BE. It would be untrue if I say that I was overjoyed to get this job. My idea of a job, for the last few years, has revolved around research. I wanted to join a premier research institute for my PhD and then join over there itself or somewhere else and be with research for the rest of the days, I can manage to survive on mother earth. I would be the undisputed boss of my life and would be paid handsomely with money, respect and satisfaction. But it was not to be. So I went for my next love, teaching.
12th of July when I went to JM Patel College, Bhandara, I had no idea that I’d be starting my lecturer’s duty that very day. So, when Dafre sir asked me to write the “Letter of Joining”, I couldn’t believe my ears and had to ask him twice whether or not he was saying exactly the same thing that I had heard.
And from that day started a new innings. I had to learn new ways to fit myself into the new order that was beckoning me. As soon as I reached the college, the guard at the gate asked me about my purpose of visit. When I told him that I was a newly appointed lecturer, he immediately saluted me. I was shocked as this was the first time someone had done something like that to me. From that day on this has been a regular practice, taking namastes, salutes, Good Mornings from guards, non-teaching staff and my colleagues. Even though I’m saying colleagues, I’m the second most junior on the list. The next young guy is 5 years older. The youngest is only 15 days younger to me. But since he has one year experience, he is treated as a compatriot while I’m treated as a kid. They are always there to take care of me and guide me and readily point out my mistakes. I’ve also learned and absorbed so much from them. They have been in this field for quite a long time and I’m learning the tricks of the trade from them. Especially I’m fond of Fandi sir and Shende sir.
But the man who holds all of us awestruck is Nema sir. He is 61 and has retired from WCL. But the fire within him is more than any of us. He defies his age with astounding energy levels which makes us ashamed because of our inability to match with him pace to pace. Not only physically but also mentally he is young. He will generally think what we GEN-Y think! Especially his use of technology and computers has made all of us his ardent fans. I always love talking to him and 1 hour spent with him gives you a year of wisdom. His vision is far more clear than most of the others associated with the institute. Even if I don’t gain anything, his companionship will be an achievement for the entire life.
This one month included 26 days of inaction and 5 days of admission rounds. Both the phases taught me important lessons. The days of inaction were very long and tedious. It was after a long time that I was travelling every day. 4 hours of travelling everyday has made me immune to ST buses that I don’t like as a mode of communication. After reaching Jawaharnagar, we have to endure the agony of travelling in the rickety six-seaters (It’s just the name. It is actually a 10-11-12 seater). And then starts the long day in which the only productive work is LUNCH! We chat, watch movies on my laptop, roam here and there, just sit idle, and even sleep but even then the day doesn’t seem to end! It really has improved my patience, endurance, sleeping powers, talking powers and my knowledge on many subjects both sense and nonsense. At quarter to five, we start getting ready and at five to five we go for our end-correction (signing the attendance register) so that we can leave exactly at 5!
The 5 days of admission were more energy consuming but at last we had something to do. We even worked on the Sunday, thanks to DTE. Our monochromatic life now had some colour as so many people came with so many different types of queries. It’s always lovely to meet people and help them with their troubles. But this time the meetings had me on the other side of the table for the first time. Instead of being counselled, I was the counsellor. I was really enjoying my seat of power. Variety of people came from different places. Some were dumb, some smart and some oversmart. Many were afraid, some confident and some overconfident. They had queries from hostel to fees to infrastructure to lecturers to …… We were to answer everything satisfactorily keeping in view that any student entering through the door should not return back. His admission had to be confirmed. Other teachers were experienced in this matter while I was a greenhorn. But I believe I did my job to near perfection. There were times when the heart was saying to slap and swear the guy in front of me but I kept smiling and got him admitted as well. There were times when making the fellow understand my point of view was next to impossible but I somehow managed. I always thought these counsellors are overpaid and overestimated. But it’s true that without sitting on the Hot Seat, nobody can feel and understand the heat. I sometimes deviated from the path but others pulled me through. I’m proud to say that we managed to bag 88 seats in the very first round even though the college was new and had made very little publicity (We have students from Mumbai to Salekasa). Those five days greatly improved my public conversational skills (I must thank my Pune gang, especially Aradhana, without whom I’d never have learnt the art of public speaking).
Another thing that I’d to change was my attire. For the last seven years I’ve never tucked my shirt in and wore my shoes irregularly. My dressing sense is a complete faux-pas. Here I’ve to bath every morning and then prepare myself for the whole day. If the college authorities stick with what they have said then I’ve to wear light coloured shirts, dark coloured pants, shoes and tie for the rest of the year and maybe soon learn some dressing sense as well. (I hope I soon get a research job and be able to wear my kurta or T-shirt with my bermuda coupled with my chappals!)
Even though I was thrilled to be part of such a big education society, I’m not fully satisfied with the work conditions. I know my utopian vision of an educational institution is an impossibility but still let’s hope I get at least 20% of what I think is needed.
Next wish is quick delivery of our salary so that I can buy things on my list which I planned even before getting this job!
And last but not the last wish is your cooperation, help, blessings and love for a successful life.

Job: To Be or Not To Be

When I was young, I thought that for getting a job astounding qualifications was the sole criteria. As I grew towards jobhood, I found out that in case of insufficient qualifications, contacts (setting) and even bribes have to be incorporated into the CV! I had no contacts and nothing to bribe. Morally I’m against it and even if I succumbed, monetarily it was impossible. So, I decided to embark on the path of attaining the best qualifications needed for a satisfying job.
2005 was a great year. I was in BSc(Final) and was undecided about my next step. My college profs sent me for an interview for a IT job at MBT (now TechMahindra). I went there empty minded just to attend it. But, in the evening I was among the four who got the job. In another month or so I accompanied my friends for another interview to Infosys Progeon (now Infosys BPO) and landed up with that job as well. By the end of the session, I had decided to move my ass to Pune for Masters in Physics with Astrophysics as my specialization. I couldn’t fulfill my wish that year and just out of frustration went for the BPO job. I didn’t like it and left in just 2 days! Next year I fulfilled my wish and went for my masters to Pune. In two years, the idea of job and for that matter earning large sums of money by grinding my ass was summarily rejected by me. I decided to dedicate my life (big words!!!) for research. So, I started applying to all national level institutes for PhD. I cleared some entrances but always fell at the last hurdle (interviews)!
By June 2010, it was totally clear that I wasn’t to be enrolled for PhD this session or even later. By luck, I have a nice AIR25 in NET(LS) examination. So, I decided to exploit it for a teaching job.
I started to gather information about the requirements and emoluments about my prospective job. I found out that teaching in a Science college in Nagpur will suit my taste but not my pocket! The colleges which would match my taste were in areas that didn’t match my taste. So, I had only one option and that was to join an engineering college. Pay was good and that was one of the basic requirements. Having fixed my mind, I started applying to various engineering colleges in and around Nagpur. In the meantime, I kept emailing Science colleges in Pune and Mumbai. St. Xaviers, Mumbai surprisingly called me for the interview. But as luck would have it, the call letter came very late on a Friday evening for the subsequent afternoon’s interview. I couldn’t go and missed a great opportunity. I kept viewing ‘aspire’ columns in Lokmat and in other Newspapers. One college was happy to have me for the interview but told me that it was unhealthy for them and me if I joined them. They cited that I would not stay for long given my qualifications and that would not be good for them. They also added that they can’t pay me the deserved pay and that would be an unsatisfactory start for my ‘would be illustrious career’.
I got rejected by 2 other colleges on the same flimsy reasons. I was contemplating about my decision when I suddenly saw an interview for MIET, Shahapur. The college belong to Gondia Education Society, chair manned by Mr. Praful Patel. I had no hope of getting a job even there. But, since the interview was at Hotel Centre Point (near to my house), I went there. But surprises are a part and parcel of life. 4:30 PM, Saturday, 10th July 2010, I gave the interview and in less than 23 hours I was on the faculty list of the college with a promised pay of 15K.
Since, 12th July, I’m attending college. Life has played the tricks. I’m working where I never wanted to be in the first place. I travel daily 2 hours one-way for my job and still am surprisingly healthy both physically and mentally. Maybe getting a job has given my mind the required energy to focus on my unfinished endeavours.
Since, the admissions are yet to happen, we have nothing much to do (I wrote this blog in college time)! This would be first time in my life when I would be paid for doing absolutely nothing.
I pray to God for a successful run in my subsequent adventures in the job world.

Patriarchs or Just Chauvinists

This month my friend is getting married. While excitingly talking about the marriage, she told me that may be her name would be changed as per some marital rules. I reasoned with her that how can she accept it. Her name is her identity and why would she compromise to lose it. She told me that it was the custom and she had to respect it. I asked her whether or not her husband will change his name as well. She laughed at my suggestion and said that a man never does that!
Well, that’s the truth. The man never does anything in the society. All the sacrifices and compromises have to come from the feminine side. We are a patriarchal society and if somebody tries to voice concerns for the women, he is either laughed at or given the adjective, FEMINIST.
This patriarchal intervention is not present only in India but from Alaska to Australia and China to Chile. But it was not always the case. In the Old world, even though patriarchal society existed, the fairer sex had an equal say and respect. All old religions had goddesses which were not anymore part of the new ones, most of which grew as offshoots of older ones. Sita, Mandodri, Draupadi, Ahilya, Savitri, Anusuya were not only respected but were also equal partners to their counterparts in all respects. But the advent of the new millennia changed it all. More and more anti-women rules began to come. It wouldn’t be wrong to say that the most hardcore religion in this matter is obviously Islam. I have not read Koran and have no idea what Allah has to say about the state of the women. But the so-called guardians sure have not painted a rosy picture in our minds. The western world was the first to come out of this Dark Age and have worked very hard to have an equal and liberal society. It’s not that they have completely succeeded but are obviously ahead of others. The Muslim world is still in Dark Ages and apart from few countries others are not coming forward enough.
Coming back to India, we find that even though cities have improved, the vast rural population still works according to the old order. Yeah, we have been able to abolish sati, decrease child marriage but many unanswered question still stay. Few of them are:
1) People go on conceiving one girl after girl in hope of a solitary boy. Why?
2) A girl has to miss school if her parents are poor even though her brother can go. Why?
3) Girl’s population in a school is never proportional to country’s sex ratio. Why?
4) There is a difference in their legal marriage ages. Why? (Biological reasons are bull shit!)
5) Marrying a younger woman is a rule while the reverse is a crime. Why?
6) Even though sati is abolished, a widow has to follow certain rules. It’s still a taboo to marry a widow. While for a widower no such rules exist. Why?
7) Girls have to change their surnames and sometimes even their names after marriage. The boy doesn’t have to. Why?
8) Sindoor, Mangalsutra, Shankha and other accessories have to be worn by the woman to show that they are married. We never see a man with any such symbols. Why?
It’s not only these questions. The disparity can be seen everywhere. One famous person once said that, “History is written by the conquerors!” In our society, men are the conquerors and they have framed rules as per their convenience. That’s why when a woman is having more than one relationship at one time, she is termed a slut but in case of a man he is just a flirt! Our forefathers laid down rules as per their convenience. The unequal caste system is another example in which the upper castes tormented and tortured the lower castes as per their will. These men who took upon them to be the guardians of the society were also the one responsible for demeaning the position of women in the society. Through generations this has continued. Although the satraps have now mellowed down but the heat still remains. That’s why fathers, brothers and husbands have the universal right over their daughters, sisters and wives. They want to rule them and decide what is good and what is bad for them.
Modern literature, media, cinema glorifies heroes but heroines don’t have any existence if she doesn’t have male company. Cinema has only song and crying sequence for the heroines. Why can’t she be given an equal opportunity? Very few like Indira Gandhi have been able to make a niche for her but even she had only male advisors. Until a few years ago even the prize money at the Grand-Slams were different. Closer home, while everyone knows the entire male cricket team along with its support staff, naming five women players would be difficult (even for BCCI)! These are just few examples. Disparity is a common occurrence.
The subjugation has been going for such long time that even women have accepted it to be their fate. Some even believe that it would be a sin not to accept these regulations. They not only do that themselves but also make others toe the line even if violence is required. And surprisingly it’s not limited to the illiterate! Sometimes literate people do such heinous activities to uphold the sovereignty of men that even God will be ashamed for creating them.
It’s high time; we stop promising and start delivering. Everyone has to pitch in with their individual efforts and dedication in this issue. Expecting help from the lawmakers will be foolishness. Those fellows can’t even provide 33% reservation for women and talk utter obscenely about the whole issue. They may even give into the demands by the Khaps and any other untoward demand that may be. Don’t forget that they are the flag-bearers of that part of the male society which has been producing these fanatic rules for ages. It’s only that they have changed names and shapes. Rest remains the same.
Please don’t forget it was a woman who brought you to this world and any feminine discrimination that the man can show because of his physical (God gifted) and social (created) superiority will be a direct abuse of her.

Honour Killing: A By-Product of Modern India

We live in a modern country called India. We are developing. We fired a rocket to moon. We are the biggest film industry. We are intelligent. We are the next big thing. We are blah blah blah. But are we really that modern, that great????
On one side we have reaped the fruits of outsourcing, our scientists are world renowned, we grow our own food grains, we produce our own steel, we do many other things but on the other side we have illiteracy, female infanticide, dowry deaths, khap panchayats, hatred in the name of religion, region, language and any other nonsense anybody can invent. These things show that the modernity has not reached into all strata of the society. The latest product from our great honourable society is, “Honour Killing”. And this is what I’m going to talk over now.
Every week there is at least one Honour Killing in the badlands of India. But what worries me the most are the Honour Killings from the so called modern urban areas. Whether Rizwanur Rahman or Nitish Katara or now Nirupama Pathak, the list is endless. Politicians are also a party to it and giving into the demands of the Khap Panchayats and are trying to get same-gotra marriage banned. There is even a demand that marriages in the same village be banned as well. In short, what they are demanding is that love marriages should be marriage. Inter-caste, inter-religion, inter-region marriages are already a taboo in this so called modern India! But I ask whether loving someone is such a big crime that they have to be killed! And that also by their own near and dear ones. Why can’t parents accept what their kids want?
I would request all the powers who are concerned to get out of their old rotten shells and embrace the modern world. Please stop moral policing and interfering in other people’s lives. Beware of the fact the Supreme One is watching and that day is not far when you have to pay back for your heinous crimes. No Panchayat, Association, relative and even a parent has the right to impose his/her dictum on a grown up adult. You may suggest what you want but can’t force it down the throat. Choosing the Life-Partner should be the right of every individual and that should be respected.
Please break the shackles of caste, gotra, religion, region and accept love. This is what every religion has taught which have been remodeled by the so-called custodians to their own favour.

Love & let love flourish…

Sister: That I Don’t Have

I’m back from the trip from Bengal with memories of the trip still weighing in my mind. The trip has caused several effects on my mind. But one that has affected me the most is the fact that I don’t have a sister of my own!
In several of my blogs, I’ve mentioned that I hated the feminine gender. But lately I’ve realized my mistake. But still the need for a sister didn’t arise. I was happy with my very few feminine friends. But this trip changed it all.
I’ve a maternal sister, Bidisha, whom I didn’t like very much before. This time around I felt affection and love towards her right from minute 1. But what made me emotional enough to write this stuff are the sisters of Sanjay, Kingshuk & Anustuv; my friends whom I visited. The camaraderie these guys share with their sisters is phenomenal. The love, peace, tranquility, help, encouragement these fellows enjoy because of their respective sisters (they don’t even realize what they are having because it has become an everyday affair to have the sister for them) made me jealous to the core of my heart.
Even though I’ve a great younger brother, a sister, preferably younger or even older, would have been nevertheless excellent. My brother has wished for a sister for a very long time. He is lucky to have a girl who is a great sister to him. And he takes care of her like her own brother. We have one Rakhi sister but after her marriage the contact has declined to a bare minimum. And I’m not ashamed to say that I didn’t have any sibling feeling for her which I certainly have for Bidisha, even when I didn’t like her very much. I’m not a guy who can have sibling feelings outside my blood relations.
It’s my personal view that girls are more intelligent, reliable, supportive & understanding than their male counterparts. If in trouble, I always like to have views of a lady as it is generally correct and most importantly different than what I think. Seldom will a man have a different view. Also, they are good listeners and have an indefinable comforting aura surrounding them. Till now I have shared all my troubles, views, solutions, grief, happiness with my mother but there are certain things which can be shared with a person of same age only. And what better person it would be than your own sister! I believe a sister would have been a great stress buster. Her mere smile would have ended lot of my troubles.
I am a person who is hungry for love and care. I love to be pampered and I certainly love to pamper. And the pampering is always effective in persons of opposite sex. So, while sons are their mother’s darlings, daughters are more pampered by their fathers. Similarly, brother-sister relationships are stronger than brother-brother or sister-sister bonding. Although I like to pamper my brother, I would certainly have pampered my sister more. I would have bought gifts for her during all festivities and especially during Rakhi and Bhai-Duj. These are the festivals when I feel the loneliest. I believe if I had a sister, I would have been more social, more human, more understanding, more caring and more …. And yes I would have the elusive girl-friend as well… Fulfilling her demands would have given me a certain divine pleasure.

If I’m lucky enough to get married and then blessed enough to have a child, I would like it to be a daughter!!!!

The Friendship Algorithm

Dr. Sheldon Cooper invented an algorithm to find friends. Although no such thing can actually exist, I kinda liked the name. Earlier, Sunil Gavaskar has written books like Idols & Sunny Days giving details of his compatriot cricketers and Farhan Akhtar has created a film, Dil Chahta Hai, on his friends. But I’m neither a writer nor a creative director. So, that leaves me writing this treatise chronicling my friends. Please feel free to write about me....

AMONI MONDAL:
Amoni aka Dhritiman Mondal is the one who has endured for the longest time with me. Coming July we will complete 19 years of friendship. I met him first in Std. I at Shirinbai Neterwala School, Maneck Nagar, Tumsar. He was a chubby kid with a stammer in his tongue. To be frank, this stammer only bought him closer to everyone. He had huge difficulty in talking but that never slowed him down. He had fitness issues and a slight bout of Asthma as well. But Amoni is a fighter and he has overcome all these odds. One more reason of his popularity was that he was the nephew of our teacher Sil Madam, who was slightly unpopular due to her strictness. But she is really cool, peaceful, loveable and a very good cook!
Although we had professional rivalry (Examination results), he and I continued be the best of the friends. One great thing about him is that he takes all the jibes along and never ever shows any displeasure. Let it be his stammer or his somewhat incorrigible stories, he has been the centre of jokes for long. But I have never seen him getting angry and getting overboard. In school, he was my very good friend and the only one who visited my house.
We don’t have the closest of the relationships and is not at all a Jai-Veeru friendship. We didn’t share some exclusive cherishable moments and were not party to some unforgettable events. There were others who were more close to me but alas they are not there now but Mondal stayed. One thing I must say, I’m very partial to him and generally overlook his sometimes overbearing attitude.
After 10th, I went to Bengal and he to Morshi, Amravati. We lost contact. But as soon as we returned back to Nagpur for graduation, the contact resumed. Most of my friends cut contacts as soon as they joined engineering but he didn’t. He would visit me at least twice a week and introduced me to some of the fiefdoms of engineering including the Telangkhedi Mandir. After his engineering, he went to Kolkata & I to Pune for my PG. His calls were infrequent but we stayed in touch. But he couldn’t stay longer there and came straight to Pune. Again the meetings and contacts resumed.
It would not be wrong to say that he is my sweetest friend and I would be hurt the most if he one day turns his back and never to say a Hi to me again!

KAUSTUBH AKANT:
I met Kaustubh first in Std. I but our friendship really kicked off in Std. V or VI. We were a group of 4, me, Harish, him and Chandan. We ate together during lunch and had long talkathons on topics spread over a variety of topics straight from studies to sex. In class 10th, he sat next to me and we had a lot of fun.
He is a good player and played almost all games with ease. He had the habit of leaving our cricket games to play basketball with senior girls. He was quite popular and that counts the girls as well. He is highly sociable, unlike me, and can make anyone at ease in matter of minutes and hence never had a dearth of friends.
During graduation, his home was a popular haunt for watching movies and matches. He is also responsible for my friendship with 3 of his good friends, Aditya, Kshitij & Aniket. We had loads of fun during those years. A joke amongst us was that Gandhi Buddha i.e. him will have to marry a girl of his parent’s choice because he would never be able to flirt a girl. But he defied all predictions and is the only one with a real girl friend and mind you a great one. The contact remained strong in Pune as well. His house is where I stayed until I got my hostel and yeah he was my local guardian during my entire post graduation.
He is a cool guy who has adapted himself to precincts of the society. He has this great quality of marching forwarding without looking behind at all. He is a guy who believes in future and always locks the past and throws the keys and never searches for them. Although it’s not what my doctor ordered, but seeing his success I sometimes think about trying the medication.
But of late, our relationship has not been the same as before. It’s nobody’s fault but communication has decreased and the relationship has not remained so warm as before. I hope it’s a transition phase and all will be well soon.


ARIJIT GHOSH:
I first met Arijit in Std XI in the hostels of Holy Home, Serampore, on the pretext of borrowing money to register myself for my Computer Science class. We were only on talking terms before the closely knit friendship actually kicked off. Computer Science classes, Cricket, Sanjay and story books brought us closer. We were both avid readers and my love for Sherlock Holmes & Sidney Sheldon is due to this very guy. He was quite affable and was a veteran in terms of being in a hostel. I learnt many things from him and my stay in Holy Home was enjoyable, pleasing and comfortable because of him being one of the factors. He was the gateway which led to my subsequent friendships with Sanjay and Baishishtha. We did play an important role in many of the mischief’s, the one with the fire extinguisher being the most dangerous, or our excursions to the fifth floor to look across the courtyard towards the girl’s hostel but we were always let scot free because of our good academic and behavioural record. We were especially close to Rajkamal Sir, who once during one visit had let us go saying that he took complete responsibility of us being untainted! (We in reality are verry goood fellows. Believe me!)
We lost contact after 12th. But God bless mobile communication which joined us again. He was the one who laid the cables. He had only one number of my uncle but he relentlessly went on to gather subsequent numbers to reach me. Once again he proved the gateway for my subsequent contacts with my Holy Home friends through mobile and Orkut.
This is one friendship which has survived the test of time and distance and progressed with constant speed.

SANJAY DEY:
He is another veteran hosteller and a very very dear friend of mine. He is completely different from all friends I ever had. He is not much educated or cultured as we so called high profiles would think us to be. But he has a heart of gold and he takes all decisions from the same golden heart. We were at different poles altogether and I actually had heard lot about him even before he came sometime in the middle of September. I was so afraid of him that I left my dormitory soon after his arrival .But thankfully I came back after the Puja vacations. Slowly I got to know how great and cool a man he was. He was impressed by my GK and I had to answer many times on his behalf when he had arguments. He liked me very much and was like a big brother to me. We were a team while watching the matches on our dorm television and my data was used to impress others. He gave special attention that I don’t fall to drinking or smoking and stay focused on my studies. I lost contact with him but Arijit and mobile brought back us together. He is a frequent caller and is rare when he fails to call once in a month.

ANIKET AGARKAR:
Aniket can be described only as crazy & weird if you don’t know him properly. Behind this façade is a sad guy who loves to have fun but something unseen withholds him. I came to know him because of Kaustubh during BSc I. Our first meeting was at Aniket’s house and we mutually disliked each other. But later because of being in the same college, our interactions increased and within a month we had cemented a strong friendship. He was little troubled and has troubling opening so easily to strangers. But surprisingly he liked me and shared many of his views with me. Whenever his grandmother used to go out of town, his home became the den to watch movies and have fun. The other criminal in this gang was Aditya. We used to laugh all night over trivial jokes and watch late night movies. In college we were part of a bigger group of mostly computer science students (I though was an Electronics student).
He was my intimate contact with the outside world in Pune. Every fortnight, we will meet and go to Deccan, park our vehicle at Apte Road, roam around Z-bridge & FC Road, eat dinner (mostly at Maharashtriyan, JM Road) and come back. We did it as a routine but this is what kept our friendship going strong and maintained sanity in our otherwise scheduled lives. Later, after my PG, his room in Pune became my sanctuary whenever I went there. He is quite unsocial and weird and in some ways are birds of the same branch. Even then I like him very much and become worried and sad if doesn’t call once in a week.

PRASAD JOSHI:
He is one of my closest 3 friends along with Aniket & Amoni. I met him first in my first year of BSc. What made me drawn to him was that he was from Tumsar. He was earlier reluctant to talk and generally used to stay with his relative, Kedar. But soon our friendship kicked and we became quite inseparable. Rarely would be a day when we will not meet at his uncle’s house where he stays. We were from the same batch and practical partners. Soon, I shifted my rooms to Abhyankar Nagar from Dhantoli which was near his home. Now we used to go colleges, tuitions together. Slowly and steadily our life fitted into a pattern. College, Tuition, talking and then home. Saturday we used to go to the Telangkhedi temple, check out gals at Futala and then have samosas at Shankar Nagar and come back. He is the one with whom I shared my joys & sorrow, beliefs & disbeliefs, friends & foes and many others. He was like the comforting cushion to me.
Even though a great guy he has the negative behavioural traits of having tinges of jealousy and more often tries to shroud him in excessive secrecy and mystery. This sometimes causes annoyance and irritation but that’s the part and parcel of the game.
After graduation, he helped me lot in my one year break to stay calm. During PG as well, we had great communication and the friendship strengthens everyday by leaps and bounds.

AVDHOOT DATAR:
I met this guy first in Hostel 3, University of Pune. He was my immediate neighbour and was kinda interesting. What brought us together was history & politics. We used to discuss all these sometimes well into the dead of the night. He is a great guy but extremely lethargic. This lethargy many a times caused tiffs between us but his dead-pan jokes always changed the scenario. It would not be wrong to say that his quest for Bengali made him a popular hunt for fun. I was his teacher and what I taught was only slangs in which I was ably supported by my other Bengali friends who had a better vocabulary than me. But he was innovative beyond measure and created slangs which instead of being abusive became hilarious. He generally took all this fun with the stride but sometimes I needed to play the pacifier.
The second phase of our friendship will be certainly the MSc-II year when we had our Astro classes together with Kaushalya. We had fun doing classes and practicals. At Ballava, whenever he came, the sordid dinner became Taj Mahal special. But here again his punctuality always troubled us. Even if we had to meet at 5, we will call him at 4:30. But then also he will come late by 15-20 minutes. We got angry and even scolded him but then he will win us over again. His lack of seriousness but over ambitious zeal for success and love for Mr. Thackrey got flak from us time to time but then Avdi is Avdi…
He was one of the most popular guys in the university across all subjects & strata. It is highly probable that he will find someone whom he knew perfectly well in busy Deccan as well as deserted Range Hills. His benevolence, easy-go attitude, coolness & stupid foolishness have won him many friends including me. I hope he remains the same albeit with little degree of seriousness added and yes remains my friend forever even if he gets a good wife!!!!

BARREL:
Barrel aka Soumyajyoti Haldar is one of my chubby buddies. We call him Barrel because he likes so. Most actually don’t know his real name. I met him first in MSc-I year. He is what we call a bit unsocial type and loves to stay away from controversies and gals. But that doesn’t stop him from being a team man. He has been a constant help during my studies. He is what many will say as “अखडू” and which cannot be discounted completely but one thing I’m sure about is that he has a heart of 24-carat gold, delicate but pure.
He hates big groups and especially if the fairer sex is a party as well. We have been to quite a few places together and the Ajanta-Ellora trip wouldn’t have been so fun without him. He is highly competitive, enthusiastic and I’ve always found him party to things which were challenging but within the permissible limits. Outside the limits, he is a man whom you can’t even budge a millimetre. His anger sits on the tip of his nose and many times his overbearing behaviour has brought in anger and opposition but at these times he behaved like an unruly kid. And I hate spanking kids. So, if we neglect these traits in character, don’t meddle with him much and let him be like he is, we can see the actual Barrel who lives behind this false façade. This guy has love, emotion and compassion but veiled by the false façade. Great to him as one of the individuals in my schemes of life.

ARADHANA NIKAM:
She is a girl and she is my friend. That is like finding water on the moon. Truly rare.
Aradhana Nikam is the best girl I’ve met in my short lifetime. She is the sweetest and most likeable gal I know. And this is not only my opinion. It’s an opinion shared by all who know her. She appears to be thin and fragile but that is completely untrue. She is fit both mentally and physically. She is an avid climber, has good grasp on Marathi literature and history, works for others through the NGO Jnan Prabodhini, benevolent, helpful and beautiful. Well her inner beauty surpasses any exterior beauty I know of.
I generally don’t like girls. But she is an exception. It would not be wrong to say that the influence she wielded on me is just next to my mother. She was my teacher cum guide not only for the city of Pune but also for life as a whole. Even though I knew her only since August-2007, the first time I talked to her properly was about a year later when she was to visit an art gallery on SB Road. I went to see that with her and that was the beginning. I don’t know how it happened but I surely asked her for help freely whenever I needed. She took the same place in my life that Prasad has. The friendship is still strong but little slack due to our quests for a great career.
Hope she remains the same as she is.


HIMADRI SONI:
I met Himadri in TIFR, Mumbai when I went there for a summer research programme. She used to sit at the adjoining computer in CM-30. For the first part of the programme, it was just a customary Hi & Hello. My computer although christened Hercules was the weakest in the room. Hence I had to use computers in DTP and in my lab for regular chatting. But slowly our interactions increased and we became good friends. The best fun we had was when we played that great Antakshari game during our trip to GMRT. Her friend, Aarti, our other CM-30 roommate, was feeling the heat of the project and had to work harder in the low temperature lab. We both were quite relaxed and along with Satti actually enjoyed our leisure time. Satti used to download movies for us and we used to watch them on my laptop. We had formed a small group of me, her, Sooraj, Janu, Arun & Satti (if not flirting) and generally tried to have our dinner together.
She is the rare combination of beauty with brains (She made me write this !!!!!! But if we neglect 'rare' it’s nevertheless true.)
After TIFR, an occasional scrap or a mail kept us in contact but not in that great way. But INAT-2008 cemented our friendship. And then the visit to Baroda strengthened it. She is a very dear friend of mine and I hope she will not forget me (Ha ha ha)!!!

HARISH KUNDARGI:
Another one of our quad from SNS. He was the only one who kept contact during 11th and 12th through ordinary mail. We had a rock solid friendship which continued over the mobile when we were in graduation. After that communication has minimized. We do have an occasional chat on gtalk.

SAURAVENDU BOSE:
Another of my good friends in Holy Home. He was from Deoghar and like me had a deficiency in Bengali. Works in Merchant Navy now. Always calls when he is on Indian shores.

KAUSTUBH NIMDEO:
He is different from any average teenager. Cool, reserved and not at all a masti-type. We share a friendship at the intellectual level and he is a great morale booster. Is in regular contact and my knowledge in money and economics of India gets big boost-ups due to him.

ADOSH DIXIT:
Another one of my good friends. Friendship blossomed due to avid interest in Geography, girls and general knowledge. Is in regular contact.

ADITYA DESHPANDE:
We share the same birthdate. Have never met a guy so much full of life and happiness. Of late communication has minimized. SMSinggggggg keeps us in touch.

ANUSTUV PAL:
My roommate in Pune for one and a half years. We tolerated each other to the utmost and had very few fights in such a long period. His another role apart from teaching computation was to supply movies. He is the one because of whom my knowledge in movies increased manifold and got addicted to Friends & Big Bang Theory. One friend whom I would not like to lose.

TARESH SHENDE:
Fellow Nagpurian. Friendship increased more because of Chiti & Barrel. Of late the only contact to physics in Nagpur. We meet regularly and have a steady friendship going on.

KAUSHALYA PATEL:
Astro partner. We had huge fun during the last year of MSc and especially during the late night practicals riding tripsy on Avdhoot’s M80 to Shivajinagar for a hot cup of coffee. Earlier I didn’t consider her at all. The only interaction I had in first year is when she wrote the invitation letter for the gathering. But as I started knowing her, I found my conceptions about her to be totally untrue. The only fault in my behaviour is that I don’t consider her much of a girl and talk in front of her uninhibitedly. She does complain about it. But I’ve not changed. She still remains one of the guys to me!

SUDHANVA LALIT:
Himadri’s Friend. This is how I came to know him. Friendship accelerated during INAT-2008 and my subsequent visit to Ahmedabad in May 2009.

DEAD ENDS:

BULBUL:
My earliest friend. She is just 2 days younger to me and we were acquainted even before we started studying. She studied with me till 10th. Was very good at heart.

DUSHYANT SORATHIA:
Friendship blossomed when in KGs. His father was a big officer where my father worked but our friendship stood rock steady till Std V, when his father was transferred. Have lost contact since.

MANISHA SINGH:
A true Leo. Had misunderstandings but were sorted out. Studied together until Std X. Have met a few times during graduation. She keeps a low profile nowadays and hence is unreachable.

CHANDAN GADVE:
One of my sweetest friends. We were a part of the quad I mentioned earlier. Have lost contact almost.

PRITI SURJAN:
One of the most intelligent girls I know. Stood first in our school in 10th boards. We had a good rapport during school days but now for the last 9 years we have absolutely zero communication.

ANAND AGRAWAL:
One of my best buddies in school. Had a great influence on me. We studied together during 10th. No communication since last 8 years. I even don’t know where he is.

BIKASH CHOUDHARY:
My first friend in Holy Home. But later communication minimized due to unknown reasons.

BAISHISHTHA MAZUMDAR:
One of my best buddies in Holy Home. We two were the only one without cigarettes, alcohol and girl friends. No contact since 12th.

SUJOY KARAN:
My first friend in Pune and the only one with whom I had a fight and a break-up.

Abnormal & Weird: The Adjectives Which Define Me The Best

My students term me weird and abnormal. They think that I’m different from what they perceive is normal for a human being. Well abnormal means anomalous (in Greek, an- not, homalous- even) which means irregular, out of pattern. Truly speaking, it’s nothing new for me to hear these adjectives. They have been said by different people in different circumstances at different periods of time in my life. And I have found it to be correct 99 out of 100 times. Yeah, I’m quite queer and sometimes my weirdness stupefies me as well!

Well, abnormality (out of norm) has been a feature of my existence and has stuck to me since my birth. I was born as a very weak child (had only a well formed head and butt). Nobody gave me more than a week to live. But I, with extreme care and love of my uncle and aunt, defeated all odds and am still living sound and actually have move towards the fatter side! While every child around me was walking on their fours, I was using my butt as the fulcrum to glide forward. I cried so much that not a single bird ever dared to venture towards my uncle’s house! Everyone used to think that I would be normal as soon as I grow up! They were wrong!

When my brother was born, I used to sit on him to test his weight taking capacity! You have guessed correct, I was spanked black and blue. As a kid, generally nobody has difficulty in finding friends. But yours truly was different, he needed biscuits as baits to catch friends. Bait finish, Friends gone! I was not able to get a single friend but what I got was chicken pox at the age of 4. This incompetency brought me close to my first love, books.

Another trait of my character is the uncanny love for written things. Let it be paan-stained newspaper cuttings, newspapers, hoardings, books or Hardy Boys. While others in my class were playing, I surprisingly was gulping books way beyond my reach. I read “Man on the moon” in class 4 or 5 and read “Hardy Boys”, “Nancy Drew” & “Three Investigators” in class 9. Totally other way round! I was so engrossed in my story books that I used to finish one every day and actually screwed my class-9th result! People used to think me over-smart as I used to discuss and argue with not only my class-mates but also with teachers and seniors. I actually had gulped copious amount of books on different subjects and needed to discuss them which often lead to arguments. This knowledge made my life chaotic. Now, it was becoming difficult to accept things without reasoning and with my reasoning always different, I am always at loggerheads.

(While people find order in symmetry, I find order in chaos. “Ordo ab chao” is the motto for me. This habit of mine has crept into my life-system and is in most probability going to stay forever.)

My weirdness obviously made me a loner. I was a library where people visit but don’t stay! People don’t understand me and I don’t understand them either. Till class-10th, at least I had friends. Later it became difficult for me to make friends and even acquaintances. The more I grew older, the more I became queer and loner. The biggest problem maybe is my disbelief in the institution of society and relations. I have always a different set of ideas regarding any topic and it more than often irks people! Like, I hate anyone who carries his religion, caste, community up his sleeve. But that’s not, I presume, how it works in the society. We are supposed to support a group or the other, preferably the majority but then Subhasish Chandra is weird, right!

These differences in opinions and views have led to the development of a trench in between me and others. Others think I am weird as I am not like them and I think why can’t they be like me? Obviously, the other side is in majority and I get the adjectives! There have been occasions when it becomes difficult for me to tolerate myself. I have been asked by many, including my mother, to be little normal. But for some reasons, I can’t get along with the norms of the society. If they fit me then I have no problems. Otherwise I have to protest or neglect them. In that case I will be decorated with the adjective. And frankly speaking I don’t like most of the social norms. Recently, I came out of a temple because it needed the worshipper to do his ‘aarti’ in Indian clothes which I didn’t like! My friend felt offended and thought my actions weird as well because I was not even going to do an ‘aarti’ over there!

This is not the only case. There are several occasions when my actions have actually offended people but I found it reasonable at that time and even though I felt bad later, not because of my actions but because someone else was hurt, it’s highly probable that I would repeat the same again! Just can’t help it. Pleasing others is something which is not in my veins and I hope it never appears as well. Hypocrisy just doesn’t work for me.

If you have seen the sitcom, “Big Bang Theory”, you can readily associate me with a person who is 80% Sheldon & 15% Leonard. Rest is a mix of Howard, Raj and even the comic book store owner, Stuart!

Caution:

If you have found not a single trace of weirdness in me then you don’t know me at all.

If you have found weirdness in me and hence decided to keep a distance then you are a sensible being.

If you have found weirdness in me and yet like to associate with me then either you are a Mahatma or a weird like me.