THE FEMININE: My misconceptions

I have started realizing that my views about the feminine part of this world were always wrong!
Right from childhood, I thought that girls bring only trouble and are always a hindrance on your way to success. This idea was partly imbibed by my mother and grand-mother and I came to believe this crap as in my school days I was always in a tussle for the top spot in academics with girls.
But straight from my school days, I had many friends from the opposite sex and in the beginning they actually outnumbered the boys! But slowly my friendship with the boys increased but the acquaintance with the girls remained. In the beginning of our juvenile years, we are attracted to the opposite sex and I was no exception. We were a group of 4 guys who thought about how to interact with girls. It’s not that we didn’t have interaction but not of that kind. We were obsessed with the Hindi movies and thought about becoming a hero with always a heroine at tow!!!
Actually sometimes I overdid the impression thing and was actually labeled OVERSMART by the girls. The problem was that I was an introvert and was always conscious about my skin colour and my behaviour. I thought that I would be able to make amends by my intelligence, my good marks and all other crap. But I was wrong there and that was cause of friction between me and my friends. In fact I had started idolising myself and had become overconfident. I started losing friends and my marks. But in between all this I blamed others for the debacle and not once realized that I was at fault!!! Somehow I always thought that everybody was jealous of me which was totally untrue.
My move to Holy Home, Serampore, West Bengal did little help to my academics but it helped in my upbringing. Again here were so many girls I wanted to be friends with but I was shy to express myself. Few of my hostel mates soon had girlfriends but I was not to be in that Ivy League. Instead I became a part of the group of single boys who were just like me. I again formed the view that I was not fit enough to be somebody’s. The problem was I was trying to be somebody’s special whereas I could have enjoyed their friendship and still be single. This I realized in the latter half of XIIth but by then it was late and I had missed the bus.
I did my graduation from Nagpur and in these years I was totally insular to mankind in whole. I lived among a bunch of friends and barely interacted with others. Never did anything constructive or worthwhile apart from scoring my marksss! Recently after talking to people in chat-rooms (My college-mates whom I knew by name only) I realized what mistakes I have done all these years. I always kept thinking that there was nothing special in my college-mates which were totally wrong and I apologize for that.
I had slowly formed an opinion that friendship with a girl is elusive to me and I had stopped trying. In fact my behaviour has turned to the negative side (Correctly pointed by one of my good friends) and sometimes actually causes annoyance to everybody around me. In order to be on a clean island, I have made the surrounding water so dirty that no boat can reach me ever.
But last December something happened which has changed the way I should look at my life. I want to change myself and become the good Human Being, I always wanted to be!!!